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Avoiding the 6-Ds that stifle anti-racist discourse

In my 11 years leading anti-racist discourse and education in diverse settings, I have recognized a variety of reactions that commonly arise from white folks who are new to (1) our shared history that has not been watered down to minimize white violence; (2) assertive, confident, and direct facilitation of discourse by a Black woman; and (3) the notion of white accountability for mitigating their own racism, and dismantling systems of oppression that provide them unearned privilege at the expense of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC). These reactions function to derail conversation, center the discourse around their feelings and their (typically poorly educated and under-researched) perspective or opinion, and undermine the authority and expertise of the facilitator.

Here's an outline of the 6D's I often encounter:

Disagree to be Disagreeable

"...Whites are the least likely to see, understand, or be invested in validating those

assertions and being honest about their consequences, which leads whites to claim that

they disagree with perspectives that challenge their worldview, when in fact, they don’t

understand the perspective. Thus, they confuse not understanding with not

agreeing...Yet dominance leads to racial arrogance, and in this racial arrogance, whites

have no compunction about debating the knowledge of people who have thought

complexly about race. Whites generally feel free to dismiss these informed perspectives

rather than have the humility to acknowledge that they are unfamiliar, reflect on them

further, or seek more information."

Despite (usually) being the least educated or experienced in racial awareness, white

people, particularly men (in my experience) fully feel entitled to disagree with my years

of lived experience, academic study, and professional experience.

What you can do: If you are going to be in anti-racist discourse, enter with humility. If you hear information that does not sit well within you, or competes with your preexisting beliefs, write it down. Research it later. Ask the facilitator for an opportunity to discuss (not debate) outside of the session. Question yourself what is driving your feelings of discomfort? What is the source of information that is being challenged? Is the source of your preexisting belief based in anti-racism, or the status quo?


Anti-racism spaces, safe and brave spaces, and allyship development

opportunities are not debate team. They are not settings in which the humanity,

dehumanization, structural oppression, or historical trauma of people in the room or

people you work with can be debated, labeled "fake news", or invalidated as significant

to their daily lives. The extent to which BIPOC experience meaningful harm and trauma

from witnessing police brutality, lynchings, and structural violence is not up for debate. If

you really want to be an ally to marginalized people, you should not DESIRE to debate

the realities of oppression they are forced to navigate.

What you can do: If you are seeking to be an ally, practice doing the following each time you are exposed to discourse with BIPOC that triggers a desire to debate. First, be quiet, then (1) listen to what is being said, (2) receive what is being shared with you, and (3) validate that what has been shared is real and meaningful.


I have had white leaders admit that they know nothing about the topic at

hand, yet still attempt to reference articles, books, or citations that can refute the cited

historical facts and statistics I have presented. Oftentimes this comes up when I present

content that is researched and written by BIPOC leaders and thinkers, and a

contradictory citation is referenced, which usually has been written by a white man is

referenced as evidence that my claims are incorrect. Key to the attempt to debunk is

that if white people say it, it must be (more) true; if BIPOC say it, it is inherently

questionable, and arguable.

If you have never researched the historical context of the disparities and inequities that

plague BIPOC communities; experienced the structural violence and barriers presented

by poverty; had deep conversations with BIPOC about their lived experiences of racism;

or sought out the teaching of leaders, thinkers, scholars, or activists of color, please

trust you are not in a position to debunk the lived experiences of BIPOC. Further, if you

are in the space in order to learn and/or have a desire to be an ally to marginalized

people, you should not WANT to debunk what is being presented.

What you can do: If you want to have a deeper or better understanding of the information being presented, of if you have encountered statistics or suggestions that contradict what is being presented: (1) look for citations, if they are present, look those sources up on your own; (2) thank the presenter/facilitator for sharing content that you had not seen before, and embrace the learning opportunity; (3) research your sources and the sources presented to you. Are they written by BIPOC? Are they centering the voices and experiences of marginalized people? Center the discourse that centers the oppressed. (4) Show some respect to the facilitator/presenter. Do not disrespect their education, research, ability to stand up in front of a group of people and talk about what our ancestors were murdered for even dreaming of: equity, freedom, liberation, empowerment. If you need further dialogue or clarity, check in with any white folks around who are more "woke" than you and let them help you, or ask (and pay) for the facilitators time outside the learning space.


White fragility plays out in diversity, equity, and anti-racism dialogues as a

variety of defensive moves that attempt to distance white individuals from racism, and

center the conversation around them and the harm done to their feelings, rather than on

the harm done to marginalized communities for over 400 years. These moves can

include: "patterns of confusion, defensiveness and righteous indignation...feelings of

being victimized, slammed, blamed, [and] attacked." As DiAngelo suggests, "Whites

have not had to build the cognitive or affective skills or develop the stamina that would

allow for constructive engagement across racial divides."

While it is understandable that people who have been socialized to believe they are

racially neutral, that they are 'good' people who are 'not racist', while having little to

know actual knowledge about what racism is or how one would identify it within their

lives and behaviors, would respond strongly to being made aware of their racial identity

and the unearned privileges it delivers to their life. However, to allow those feelings to

disrupt a healing, learning space for BIPOC and white folks seeking to grow in allyship,

is to attempt to consciously or unconsciously maintain the white supremacist status

quo. By disrupting conversations and strategies for equity, you are promoting inequity.

What you can do: Learn more about white fragility and white identify formation and socialization. Seek out what aspects of white supremacy culture have been ingrained in you. Learn about how white supremacy has worked in your favor, and framed the development of your sense of self. Increase your self-reflection in order to identify triggers of your fragility, and develop skills and tools for mitigating those triggers. I offer coaching that can assist in these processes, as well as courses that will be launching soon. White people must understand, BIPOC have been living our suffering, as well as researching it, advocating about it, working to eliminate it, since all this began. We are doing our work. The time is NOW for white folks to do the work of understanding how we got where we are and what white folks can contribute to the solutions needed to create the equitable world we need. Do not come to our spaces to disrupt the healing and transformation processes that are upon us.


Taking over anti-bias and anti-racist discourse with white fragility can manifest

through disrupting with aggression, white tears, checking out in a visible and distracting

way. In addition, attempting it may include: moves to equate racism with other forms of

oppression that white people may experience, forcing dialogue about our similarities in

an effort to stop discussion about our differences, telling long stories about acts of

allyship or evidence that one is not racist, or otherwise bogarting the discourse and

making it difficult to center marginalized voices, or anti-oppression.

Whether I am in a corporate setting, institution of higher learning, medical education/training setting, or other professional settings, I often have to remind people

of this: there has never been a time when our ancestors could all sit in a diverse group,

and talk openly about racism, as part of our professional development or paid time to

learn. Historically, my ancestors would not have been in the position I am in to be paid

to teach you about the systems of racism we have inherited. And never before were so

many people of all races positioned and ready to make change to eliminate those


It is time for white people, individually and collectively, to do MORE for justice and

equity than their ancestors ever did. It is time to really take stock of the damage done

by white ancestors, and COMMIT to fully dismantling those institutionalized forms of

violence. That cannot be done, if white folks are in spaces trying to talk about other